Wednesday, 28 March 2007

Garcia In A Hole Load Of Trouble

Bobby Jones would be turning in his grave after Sergio's latest show of disrespect for golf course etiquette.
on the 13th of his 3 round at the WGC-Ca Championship, he missed a putt and as he went for his ball, spat into the hole.
Obviously it was captured on TV and it almost put me off my 3rd treble Bombay of the evening (almost)!
He'll no doubt get a slap on the wrist and a meagre fine.
It's the person in the next group we felt for.

Can you imagine making a great birdie, feeling that you are on a role, going for your Pro V1 and having your hand covered in saliva - not the best!
Whilst it's a pretty disgusting thought, it made us think of a few similar incidents we have experienced over the years on the links.

One story is of a poor guy who's curry the night before had delivered what can only be described as "Bombay Surprise" the following morning on his back swing on the 1st tee during a summer match play event.
Now cream chinos do not help in hiding such accidents and with no clean clothes, the gentleman in question had a choice... surrender the match or carry on in a very off puting manner.
Well, a match is a match and whether or not the ghastly scenario effected his opponent is still debated, but the man with the chinos claimed a comfortable "4 and 2" victory.
It has to be siad, I've been "shi@@ing myself on the 1st tee before but never literally!!

I suppose there is plenty of time.

Monday, 19 March 2007

Boo Weekley In Penalty Debacle
"2 shot penalty?Yeah whatever!"

Talesfromthelinks are really starting to take a shine to Boo "In the news for the wrong reasons weekly" Weekley.

First came the tiddler that cost him the Honda Classic and his first PGA Win.
As if things couldn't get any worse, his "flawless" 67 in the Arnold Palmer Invitational became a 69 due to his sportsmanship.
Tom Johnson had a really tricky long putt and his only option was to chip it up.
It was a corker and as he hadn't asked his caddy to tend the flag, Boo grabbed the stick and in the process cost himself a 2 shot penalty..
"I learned another rule in the game of golf," sighed Boo.
"I thought it was a great act of sportsmanship." quipped a fairly sheepish Johnson.

It shows once againthat whilst rules are rules, sometimes a wee bit common sense goes a long way.

So from now on golf friends, etiquette and sportsmanship out the window...

1/ If their ball is in the rough, don't look for it...If you stand on it..bang!..2 shot penalty.

2/ In match-play, if they have a 2 footer to half, do not say "I'll see that in".

Remain silent and perhaps gently clear your throat as they line it up - they will miss!

3/ On the 1st tee, inform your opponent he looks "a bit off colour" - watch their game go from bad to worse as they try to decide if they have the plague or typhoid!

4/ Alternatively on the 1st tee, as your opponent takes a practice swing, ask him "When did you change to such a strong grip?"

As they try and change things, their game will collapse.

5/ If all else fails, breaking wind on the top of your opponents back swing should ensure victory.

Of course, we joke.

Golf is all about playing to the rules and regulations and a dishonest golfer is ...well probably earning a fortune on tour.

Just remember a thought that an old member ran by us not too long ago after half a bottle of Macallan...

If at first you don't succeed...Cheat....repeat until caught....and then lie!!

You can't go too far wrong with that sort of advice


It was starting to look like the mother of all chokes as Vijay made 2 bogeys over last 3 holes but alas, it was good enough and he can now add the Arnold Palmer Invitational to his trophy cabinet and whilst doing so, equalled the record for the most US titles by a non-American.
So whilst we are pleased to see Vijay back to his winning ways, the story of the weekend has to be Tiger's back 9 yesterday...43 hacks!!!
6 over for the last 3 holes!!
There is hope for us all.
With all the talk of breaking Jack's record and Grand Slams (subject to Tiger Cub not appearing during Carnoustie) one would think that someone has at last conquered our great game.
What this 43 does for the golf world, is show that no matter how far you drive it, how much back spin you get from rough and how many $s you have in the bank, the game of golf can never be completely mastered...
Why else would we come back time and time again without questioning our own sanity?

Friday, 16 March 2007


We all know what it's like to lose a bit form.
Pre-season, string a few nice rounds together (off the winter tees) and one thinks they have mastered the game.
Then comes the first medal of the year...
1st tee nerves set in and a "Boeing" start (7,5,7) assures we crash back down to earth with a bump.
Surely this horrendous loss of form applies only to us meak duffers?
Not at all....welcome to the world of Justin Leonard.
Last year after the FBR Open, he was ranked a fairly respectable 32nd.
In his next 23 tournaments, he's only made the cut in 14 of them.
This year, he's missed every cut!!
He's now at number 210 in the world!!
For someone with an Open under their belt and always one of the more consistent players around, this really is a shocker.
The Masters is looking like a spectator sport for him this year.
Never mind Jus, there's always money to be made as a Prince Andrew lookalike!!

Monday, 12 March 2007


There is something a wee bit sinister going on in the golfing world.
Firstly, we hear that Brandt "who are you?" Jobe was sweeping his garage when a sharp piece of metal from the broom cut off his finger tips.
He put them in a bag and almost comically told his daughter "Daddy has to go to the hospital".
4 years ago, he broke his arm and recently quipped "If I keep this up, I'm going to be a bionic man!"...steady Brandt.
Next thing we hear is space cadet Jasper Parnevick is still not over his recent injury.
Back in January, Parnevik broke the middle finger in his left hand in very bizarre circumstances when he tripped over a suitcase in his hotel room.
"One of my kids had a nightmare, we had adjoining rooms, and I ran in there at two in the morning, tripped on a suitcase and fell and smashed my finger," he revealed on Thursday.
With Jasper having his middle finger in a large bandage, at least he would have a fairly easy to understand response if any journo asks him if his career is over!!


Guess who's back?...Back again..Guess who's back guess who's back guess who's back (fade out).
Only Mark bleedin Calcaveccia!!!

Forget about the young up starts "breaking through" this year with their well pressed "stay-press" and lovely ironed polo shirts - not to mention the robot like swings
Up pops the 1989 Open winner with a "cheeky wee" course record 62 on Saturday in the PODS Championship, shoots a steady 70 on Sunday and pockets his 13th PGA win.
"I'm sure the emotions and the fact that it's a win will sink in here in a little bit", said a clearly relieved Calcavecchia.
Slocum's missed 4 footer at the 72nd hole put him into joint 2nd with John Sendon.
So what next for the big man?
I'll tell you what, he'll get a great reception at Carnoustie in July and well, you just never know!!!

Thursday, 8 March 2007

The Countdown Begins

Just as the guys from talesfromthelinks were starting to get a bit depressed having not seen any real exciting golf action for months and the prospect of a weekend of golf from Singapore or watching KJ Choi at Tampa Bay wondering what the hell he is doing there after winning the event only 5 months ago, was not helping much.

But as we walked into the newspaper shop at the airport, we looked at the 3rd row shelf (seconds after looking at the top shelf) and were welcomed with the most fabulous magazines.....US Masters Specials....guides to Augusta....YYYYEEEESSSSS!!!!!!!!!
It's fast approaching us.
No matter what is said about the changes that have been made to the great course (and there has been plenty), The Masters has to be one of the most watcheable, exciting events in the sporting calander.
And God, how time flies!!
We were just saying that we cannot believe a year has passed since Tiger's amazing chip in (probably the best advertising Nike will ever get!) - only to be reminded that was 2 years ago!!!!!!!!!!
"Of course!" we cried.
Who could forget all these Saddos after Big Phil's victory turning up at their Spring Meetings with 2 drivers in their to hit hit S*@te and one to hit even s*@ter!

So the big question this year is not who will win it (we think Stenson has a great shout by the way) but what will Mickelson's Augusta menu look like?
As we all know, the previous winner chooses the evening meal.
Perhaps a year ago, the table would have collapsed under the weight of burgers and donuts but change is in the air.
Mickelson has lost the "Lady Tits" and with regular exercise, healthy eating and even a new Martial Art (Summo wrestling has been ruled out) is ready to give Tiger a run for his money.
So let's hope the guys in attendance at the Augusta dinner like lettuce, carrots and grilled chicken.

We have a feeling that the Augusta Tandoori may do some good take out business later that evening.


Friday, 2 March 2007


John Daly Heads Back To Clubhouse

As another weekend of professional golf looms (both the Johnnie Walker in Phuket and the Honda at Palm Beach Gardens), us a talesfromthelinks feared that we'd be struggling to come up with a story to keep our viewers amuzed.
Another couple of mediocre golf events..all pretty dull..Fear Not!
Along comes Big John "All my exes wear rolexes" Daly!
After 2 holes at the Honda, JD was forced to retire after an eager fan took his picture in full swing - he stopped his back swing and when he tried to swing again, that was that!
Now if you have ever seen his backswing, it's no surprise that injury followed.
PGA Tour officials said Daly injured his rib area, along with his shoulder although how bad either injury is wasn't known.
Playing partner Ogilvie could only offer the following..."It wasn't good!"
We love big John and wish him a speedy recovery.
We believe he may have another Major in him.
However, whilst his backswing is long, I've seen longer.
There was a guy at our club, and this is no word of a lie, who was forced out of the game for weeks when on his backswing, the head of his driver cracked his left knee (and he was right-handed).
The real tragedy was that despite his "lengthy" swing, if he hit it 200yds he was doing well.

It goes to show length counts for nothing !