R&A IN THE GROOVE OVER NEW PROPOSAL

Just as we were starting to think that any golf course under 7500 yds was too short for the tour, any rough less than 6 feet tall, too short for competition and any driver requiring less research and development than a rocket, a waste of time, the R@ A has finally seen sense and made what we believe are big steps into puting an end to this nonsense.

They are proposing a fairly radical change in the grooves of clubs, thus making it more difficult (if not impossible) to get back-spin from the rough (back spin from the rough?...back spin from a tight lie would be nice!).

R&A director of rules and equipment standards David Rickman said: "It is a matter of ensuring that skill remains the dominant element of success".

But before you start worrying and heading down to your pro for new "legal" clubs, no need to fret.

It has been noted that not everyone has the cash to just pop out and buy new clubs.

A 10 year concessionary period is expected.

We are going to spend the next 10 years standing in the rough at our club and we will not go home until we hit at least 1 shot from the rough with back-spin....it could be a long 10 years!!!

KEEP IT IN THE FAMILY

Not exactly enthralling!!

Ok..Let's give Stenson his due:

He beats Geoff Ogilvy in the final of the Accenture World Matchplay Championship 2 and 1, goes top of the European Order Of Merit and pockets $1.25m in the process - not bad for 5 days work (120 holes!).

He wasn't even at the top of his game (nor was Geoff) yet he did enough and 2 back to back birdies guaranteed him the trophy.

Now is it just us or was the tournament yet again, a bit of an anti-climax.

A wee bit like looking forward to Chrstmas as a child for weeks on end and when it arrives, that top of the range BMX you fancied is not there- only a dodgy looking push bike.

It sort of happened Fridayish when loads of the big names went out.

A Sergio Vs Mickelson final would have kept us watching.

Even if someone like Casey had got to the final against Tiger, we would have sat back and enjoyed the ride.

But Stenson Vs Ogilvy???

Anyway, as if that wasn't bad enough, charismatic Fred Funk claimed 1st prize at Mayakoba Golf Classic in Mexico.

$630,000 in his back pocket - thank you very much.

Good grief, no wonder there are so many journey men on the scene with crazy money for events that no one seems bothered about.

It was not an easy day for me out there today at all," Funk said. "I owe it to my putter and I think my intestinal fortitude."

What the heck does that mean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But forget all that.

Us ponderers at talesfromthelinks have been more interested in what happened at the ACE Group Classic in Naples, Fla.

Lanny Wadkin's brother "Bobby" won and it has us asking...

Why do some families have all the luck?Is it in the genes?

The sporting world is littered with examples from The Williams Sisters of the tennis world to the Charltons of the football world and to be honest...it personally pi*ses me off!

Even Craig Stadler's son Kevin came 13th in that shi**y event Funk won!!

We like to think Bobby Wadkins has had to practice endlessly at his game to be as good as his brother but for some reason, we have a suspicion that he picked up a club one day, swung it a few times and shot 77!!

Having said all that, it won't stop me, a proven hacker and a fairly poor all round sportsperson becoming the mad over competitive parent, secretly hoping that his son will be the next "Tiger".

One lives in hope!!!!

GOLF INSTRUCTION MANUALS - THROW THEM AWAY!!

We have come to a conclusion..

For the every day hacker, practice makes piss poor and golf manuals are a waste of time and money!!

There we are..we've said it and we are so glad to get it off our chests.

What is the point in hitting 100 balls on the range only to be improving that lovely chopping motion that other golfers snigger at!

Even if you start hitting it well on the range (and let's be honest, by laws of average you will do for at least 3 shots), by the time you stand on the 1st tee proper, you will be a gibbering wreck and worse than ever.

Read these manuals ...head still, not too strong a grip, left arm straight, mind the swing plane etc etc.

Good grief!!It's more complicated than nuclear physics!

Our advice is :

Stand over the ball

think of nothing

Just hit the damn thing

At Christmas time, someone at one of the on-line book companies must have been in festive mood.

Whilst I ordered "The Kama Sutra" to spice things up a bit at home and "Ben Hogan's Five Lessons - The Modern Fundamentals Of Golf" - purely as I've been having a wee bit of bother with the dreaded shanks, some smart arse changed the book covers round.

To cut a long story not so short, the wife was not too impressed as I attempted to keep my wrists fully cocked until just before impact and indeed threw me out of bed as I unwound my hips at followthrough.

And as for my actions on the 1st tee warming up?..well let's just say an extraordinary general meeting was called to discuss my actions and how I stayed off the sex offenders list remains a mystery!!!

Life can be sooo cruel sometimes!!!!

WOODS HITS THE TOWN WITH BARKLEY

"Keep the noise down..there's a good chap!"

When we heard the rumour that Tiger was spotted out on the town (Light in Bellagio in Vegas) with Barkley, we presemued it was Gnarls.

Can you imagine the two of them up on stage singing "Crazy", only for Britney Spears to walk in??

As it turns out, the Barkley in question was actually Charles Barkley (massively famous basket-ball player we are informed) and he even went on to do a pole dance routine!! Charles...not Tiger!

Anyway, it hasn't stopped us thinking which golfer/singer we would like to see dueting and what they would sing.

Whether it be John Daly and Freddy Mercury singing "Don't stop me now", Olazabal and Dianna Ross belting out "I'm coming out" or even Vijay and Hank Williams having a go at "Your cheating heart", the options are endless.

Let us know your duets and we'll publish the best ones.

JJ Henry to face Tiger in WGC Matchplay

Please... Anyone but Tiger!

What a sickener!!

"The good news is Mr Henry... there's been a withdrawl and you have a late entry to this weeks Matchplay at Tucson Arizona"

"Why thank you for letting me know. I really love matchplay and would like a nice easy opening match to get me into the swing of things...Who have I got?"

"Someone called T.Woods!.. Have a nice day!".

As they say in these parts.. "every silver lining has a cloud".

Just as Charl Scwartzel pulled out to concentrate on the South African PGA , JJ Henry gets the nod only to find he has been drawn against Woods who is not only hunting his 8th PGA victory in a row but has already won the event in 03 and 04.

Whilst JJ might be asking himself what he has done to desreve a draw like that, we cannotwait for battle to commence.

We think the opening World Golf Championships event of the year is where things start to get serious.

Not only is the event match-play which brings out the true competitors (think Ryder Cup) and by the way, would it not be great if the final Major of the Year (The USPGA) returned to match-play, but it also reminds us that in no time at all, the TPC is upon us followed by the Masters.

There's some tasty ties ahead (Paul Casey Vs Mike Weir could be tasty as could Sergio Vs the Dazzler Darren Clarke).

Sit back, pour yourself a large g&t and get ready for the start of what is sure to be an unforgettable season.

Daughter's wedding keeps Watson from Open

"Daddy got a last minute flight to Scotland"

Our heart goes out to Tom today with the announcement that his daughter has, we think quite selfishly, set a wedding date slap, bang in the middle of British Open week.

What is a man to do??

"I will be thinking a little bit about it but I won't tell her that, though," he told the PGA Tour website.

Well we like to imagine Tom walking his daughter Meg down the aisle wearing the green t-shirt and checked troos that he carried off so superbly back in 77 at Turnberry as a tribute to the Claret Jug.

Or perhaps we should look forward to seeing Tom in the wedding photos fidgeting with his matchbox size radio trying to get coverage of the days play.

The 5 time Open winner will be saddly missed though and I'm sure whilst he will have a magical day, part of him will be wishing he was standing on that 1st tee.

Every golfer knows the feeling of being dragged around Ikea or the like, knowing that their playing partners are in the process of "limbering up" on the 1st tee.

Torture.

Or having to attend to "family commitments" that co-incide with Thursday at the Masters.

Tom, our thoughts are with you.

Shorter Golf Launched.

We have heard that there is to be a drive on shorter golf.

Our immediate thought was...yep good idea...with the exception of Ronnie Corbett, there are no midgets we know of playing the game (the wee Hawain dude is 5 ft 1 - doesn't count).

PORGS (people of restricted growth) should be encouraged to take to the links although should also be asked to "walk a wee bit quicker" to avoid holding the rest of us up.

But we have been corrected and this shorter golf is in fact some bright sparks idea of a golf equivalent of Twenty20 cricket or rugby sevens.

What a load of cobblers!!!!

In PowerPlay Golf (as it is to be called) each green has two holes instead of one, with a black flag denoting a more difficult pin placing and a white flag the easier one.
Over nine holes, players have to make three powerplays where they have to go for the harder option.

What next we ask???

Scrapping 90 minutes of football and going straight onto penalties?

Scrap the 5 setters at tennis and go straight to a tie-breaker?

In a leg of darts, forget the 501, let's go straight to double tops!!

Skipping the fore-play with the Mrs and going straight at it (actually that is a very bad example!!)

In fact let's not bother playing at all!!!

Do these people not realise that the beauty of golf is the rocking up to the clubhouse 30 minutes before tee-time, grabbing a coffee, having a few practice putts, spending 3-5 hours cursing and swearing, looking for that glimpse of hope that every golfer gets at least once every round, hence making us come back for more.

The feeling of the first pint not even touching the sides as you reward yourself for the 4 mile walk that you've just put yourself through.

Instead, like everything, they are trying to condense it into some sort of freak sport that city folks might try and do in less than an hour as their lives are just so busy.

Will someone please put an end to this nonsense!!!!!!

Tiger Slump Continues.

Forget the 7 straight tour wins in a row.

Forget the fact that if he wins the next 3 tour events, come Augusta, winning the Masters would mean tying with Byron Nelson's 11 straight tour victories record that many thought would never be matched.

The unfallable Woods extended his winless streak in non-Tour international events to five. Dating back to Sept 2006, he has lost at the HSBC World Match Play, played for the losing side at the Ryder Cup, finished runner up at tournaments in China and Japan, and was comfortably beaten by Stenson in Dubai.

So what's gone wrong?

Being dragged around "Mamas and papas" for baby stuff would screw anyones game up.

Perhaps one "eye of the tiger" is on his new course development plans!

Is there a couple of minor swings changes happening that the humble hacker would not notice if his life depended on it?

It seems that perhaps we are worrying unduly:

"I'm going to go home and kind of figure it out," Tiger explains and at the same time, putting all our minds at rest.

Something tells us that he will figure it out pretty soon and don't be surprised to see more records broken all over the place!

Golf Club "Suggestion Books" - helpful or hellishly funny?

Every Club has one.

Most sit in a corner of the lounge gathering dust..

Some are in a prominent place and updated on a regular basis by committees who have 3 hours of a Tuesday night spare to discuss the merits of putting cheaper toilet roll in the mens cubicles to cut costs!!

Others are so often "vandalised" by dry witted/drunk/bored/ironic/genuinly retarded members that the secretary now keeps under lock and key hence completely nillifying the purpose of its existence.

Well, I must confess..we sat down over a few beers and read our suggestion book and some of the entries over the years could not have been funnier if Ronnie Barker, Peter Sellers and Ricky Gervais had got together and written their thoughts.

Absolutely class!

Dear Secretary,

May we suggest that Juniors be allowed to play in Mens medals at the weekends?

After all, we are the future of this club

How the hell did you get into the lounge!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

31st Dec (written at closinng time) - I suggest the committee resigns en masse

2nd Jan - I withdraw the preceding without reservation and offer my apology to my Committee

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was shocked and bewildered to note the bar shutting at 9.30pm and me being asked to leave.

Can the bar stay open longer?

I note your shock and bewilderment and will speak to the staff.

However, in view that you reported this in the Greens suggestion book I feel that perhaps the bar has been open too long!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

And finally, possibly thr funniest suggestion/complaint ever...

Jan 1968 - No Stilton.Females at every table.

If you have any you want to share with us, please let us know and we'll post our favourites.

NORMAN - THE FEELING'S GONE AND HE JUST CAN'T GET IT BACK.

With so much else to think about rather than playing golf, the Great White Shark has declared a diminishing interest in tournament golf.

Golf course design, wine, ex tennis players...you name it, Big Greg has an interest.

"I don't have the motivation I used to," moaned Greg.
"Ernie Els will walk off the 18th green after a pro-am, go to the range and hit more balls. That's what you need to do and I have no interest in doing that."

For a man who had such a glittering career and should certainly have won at least 6 Majors (was it not for some awful luck and the fact that Faldo could always psych him out) perhaps it is time for him to call it a day.

Whilst everyone admires him for his amazing ability, most of us will share in his misery of being so close to winning something and completely bottling it at the end...although perhaps a Wedneday Winter Medal and the Masters are entirely different.